25 June 2013

Magical Pains

There's this really incredible, heart-exploding feeling you can have if you are injured during a show. Usually, you're dancing your heart out to the same 42 sets of eight exactly like you have been the past 87 times you've gone through this. But for some reason, this time, in front of the audience you've worked so hard for, you break your toe landing your jete, or sprain your back doing your ariel, or dislocate your knee jumping off that table, or (my favorite) just get totally nailed square in the nose by your partner taking an epic jazz hand.
It doesn't matter. That searing, worst physical pain you've ever been in in your short life isn't even there. It's SO there. Screaming at your and rushing through your entire body like thousand-degree needles.  You have to stop, you can't dance like that. It's impossible to keep character with that shearing through you veins. Nevertheless. You do. This precisely, is the beauty thereof. Theatre forces you into the defiance of "impossible," all because of the love you constantly feed it, and because story is king. You love your story too much to let it slip for one instant. You love your audience too much to let them go just to bleed. It may be your worst nightmare, but it's one of the most miraculous sensations you can experience, because you learn, fully and permanently, that love has the infinite power to conquer anything. Being there, doing what you do, torturing yourself. The pain multiplies every count. And you feel invincible.

Such is life, of course. "All the world's a stage." You are here, there, because someone loves you. Infinitely. Love will endure, love will heal, love will clarify, love will transform, love will triumph. Love is magic.

21 June 2013

Happy This Day

I think you have to write when you're sick, otherwise you just think about how miserable your body feels, subsequently telling your brain to find something deeper to be sad about. But your body is just having a silly moment, reminding you to be grateful when you are healthy and even happy you're not much more sick than you are. I wish I could go outside and peak at the moon, a good friend of mine. I'll add a picture tomorrow when a bunch of cool photographers have posted them.
"Oh moon, whose nook and cranny doth shine so bright."
I have no idea what that's from. Or if it's really from something. My daddy always says it, and I love him. I kind of always thought it was in A Midsummer Night's Dream, but I don't think so. Maybe. I
don't know. Anyway, Happy Summer Solstice! (Nearly twelve hours ago). Sorry about the improper paren punctuation. Also, fragments. Solstice is sort of a small special thing to me, it warms and races a big part of my heart. What a magical show-off moment for the sky. I'm going to do the whole hooplah crazy solstice affair one of these years, track the sun's path and admire the moon for hours and all. Sometime when I decide not to be so pompously busy. I'm not even that busy, but it feels like it because I make myself so tired and there are so many things that are undone.
I love art, I love show people, I love you, definitely. I'm going to do it, I'm going to find a way to perform for the rest of my life. After a whole three days of trying to convince myself that it's just a hobby, kissing it goodbye just won't do. There's a passion there with a heart of its own. But I think it's mine. So I'll be dancing, smiling. For whatever audience needs me.
Or will have enough patience to take me.
(Pretentious wink)

13 June 2013


If things were different,  everything would be different.  No one really knows what another is thinking. You might know all your thoughts, but you probably don't know how to express them thoroughly. At least I don't. Words are usually good, if you can find the proper ones. I bet there's a perfect word for everything we feel, we just don't know them all yet. I certainly don't know quite how to write yet. Words are good.
But if we don't use words we do use other things.  No words is a thing. Logically, no words might mean no thoughts. But it probably means a lot of thoughts. It usually means a lot of thoughts. Thoughts you can't write, thoughts you don't know how to write, thoughts you don't believe, thoughts you really don't want to be thinking. Thoughts completely and constantly quarreling with each other. Thoughts that come and never go.
There's also bodies. Hitting, something we shouldn't do. Hugs, something we should do more. Sex. Hand holding, hand shakes.  The way you shake someone's hand. Eye contact,  the lack thereof. Complete conversations solely with the eyes. All conveyors of thought. But we'll never really get the whole picture.
In this life at least. Not many ever really intend to offend. I don't. But no one likes being offended. It isn't kind to attack, or offend, to assume. Mistakes are interesting, typically the result of thought. Or the lack thereof. I've made many mistakes. I will continue to. Luckily that's how we grow, if we choose to learn. I do not consider any type of relationship I've ever had a mistake. Mistake sounds so subtle.  Like it isn't much, blithe, almost. Litotes, in my mind. Just thoughts.
There will always be love.

06 June 2013


A day I never thought much about coming came. Today was wonderful! I am so happy. High school was truly an amazing adventure.  I love it and am proud to be a Spartan. Thank you for the opportunity to speak. Thank you to every remarkable soul in my life, especially my family, and my friends just like family. I love you!
In the high school, we are supposed to learn a thing or two, so hopefully, you would agree with me that we did! Mrs. Hanson and Mr. Drake taught me to write cautiously and bravely. Ms. Spackman and Mr. Georgelas taught me to decide to have always have energy. From Mr. Wood, I learned that if at first you don't succeed, just succeed in being a bad example. From Ms. Chappell, I learned that with hard work and smile you can basically accomplish anything.
However, I think the most valuable lesson, among many, I have learned comes from Mr. Saxton (if you all weren’t sure, I’m kind of into the theatre-drama stuff). He taught us that STORY IS KING. Any production can be funny, or scary, or have great choreography, amazing effects or cool costumes, but without the story, the play missing his heart. Your story is the king of your life.
Our story at Murray High School was a marvelous, terrifying, and gracious exposition to our own personal stories. As the next scene in our life opens, I hope we can all appreciate this last one. I love each of you for something you bring. I am blessed to be around you super cool people I have learned so much from. In our cast as a the class of 2013 I see hard, dedicated workers, big ideas, strong opinions, incredible talent, and wisdom from the stories you have lived. That has to be my favorite thing about people. The diversity they bring from their past to create such an interesting future. It honestly blows my mind.
Speaking of the future, here we are. We know that no story is complete without juicy conflict, and I certainly believe it’s out there waiting for us. But look what we have! All those strong qualities, and this beginning of knowledge we’ve been given, and such cool people? The adventure up to our climax will be victorious. Again, the conflict is out there. However, so is our awesome, joyful “denouement”, our happily ever after, our impossible dream we’ve dared to dream. Let us have the courage to chase after it. Let us have the courage to not only endure our entire story, but to enjoy it.

01 June 2013


It's interesting to me how we measure things in dates, such as events. It's not necessarily weird. Not that we could all agree on a precise definition of "weird." Or "normal" for that matter. Anyway, it isn't too out of the ordinary to measure in dates, it's quite universal, actually. But we do allow it to affect us.
"It's been (x) amount of years since I arrived on the planet, we should throw a party!"
"We've been waiting here for hours."
"You have three days to pay that off."
"It's been one month since it happened."
Once we defined time, it began to define us. Now I like very much when people are on time, and I do try to make it a point to be punctual myself. It's amazing how we are so connected to time through our whole lives that it can actually trigger particular emotions. Only a limited amount of items can really do that. Almost all of them have to do with the five senses. Time affects the anxiety in all of us, whether it be low, happy, or excited; or stressed, depressed, upset.
Time can heal and time can destroy, but I think when we hope and work for the best we'll end up with the best. Eventually.