Brooklyn Brewer Tanner
Utah Valley University
Submitted to Rongxun Liang, Ph.D.
This paper explores the research that has been completed about the potential risks and benefits of natural and medicated childbirth. In depth, the research is examined that has been performed about epidural use and natural birthing in order to determine the overall safety of each method. Considering the variety of choices a woman has in planning her birth, the paper will also evaluate the effect of internet information on expectant mothers' birth plan choices. It is found that internet searches involving pain management during birth have risen significantly in recent years, demonstrating women's dependence on the internet for reputable information. The role of a mother in giving birth to her child can be helped or hurt by the information found online.
Birth, Birth Centers, Childbirth, Doulas, Epidural, Homebirth, Internet, Medicine, Midwifery, Millennials, Mothers, Natural Childbirth, Obstetrics, Pain Relief, Pregnancy, Social Media.
The common, yet miraculous occurrence of birth is experienced by the majority of women at least once in their lifetime. That first pregnancy spurs a myriad of feeling to the inexperienced mother including excitement, fear, happiness, confusion, and determination. Among the many choices a woman will make during her pregnancy is the consideration of natural birth and medicated birth. In most low-risk pregnancies, women have the option of bearing their child naturally, or without medicinal pain relief, whether it be in a hospital, birthing center, or home. They also are commonly offered an epidural to numb the pain of childbirth when delivering in a hospital. Now that information on the internet has been widely available for two decades, women have an enormous pot of information, research, opinions, and experiences from which to draw considerations as they make their decision. This topic is particularly pertinent to the rising generation of mothers, who have more access to a variety of internet resources than any generation of mothers before. The topic of internet-influenced birth planning has been chosen in order to assist the modern mother in navigating the risks and benefits of natural and medicated birth methods.
The purpose of this paper is to explore the research that has been completed about the potential risks of natural and medicated childbirth. The paper will also evaluate the effect of internet information on expectant mother's birth plan choices. When women can receive unbiased, true information regarding pregnancy and birth, they are better able to make sound decisions for their health and the safety of their infant. This paper strives to provide that reliable information to expectant mothers.
Definition of Concepts
Mentioned in this paper are many medical, pregnancy, and labor and delivery terms.
Caesarean Section: commonly known as C-section, the surgical delivery of an infant through an abdominal incision
Doula: a non-medical personnel that coaches and assists women in giving birth by giving suggestions for positioning, providing encouragement, and giving massages.
Epidural: anesthetic used mainly in childbirth to reduce sensation below the waist.
Natural Childbirth: the birth of an infant without any type of medicinal substance assistance. May also refer to birth taking place in the home or in a birthing center.
Medicated Birth: the birth of an infant that is assisted by one or more medicinal substances, such as an epidural anesthetic, Pitocin, narcotics, or instrumental/surgical assistance such as forceps, vacuum extraction, or C-section.
Research Questions and Hypotheses
What are the benefits and drawbacks of a natural childbirth? What are the benefits and drawbacks of an epidural-assisted childbirth? What influence does the internet have on an American woman's choice to receive an epidural or strive for a natural childbirth?
It is predicted that the research will suggest potentially adverse side effects of a medicated birth, but further danger in natural birthing. It is predicted that in the United States, mothers receive most of their medical information from the internet, most of it non-credible, which can inhibit their ability to make sound birthing decisions.
Plenty of research has been conducted around pain relief during childbirth. However, most of the research has been done in the medical field, considering the scientific nature of medicine. The homeopathic and natural community is not as abundant in research or research methods around natural childbirth. However, there are a few published studies available focusing on the social science of women's birth experiences. The data sources used in this paper come mainly from articles in medical journals published after the year 2000. In an attempt to provide information that is as accurate and current as possible, this paper uses almost exclusively peer-reviewed research and data.
The research published in medical journals has generally been well-documented with legitimate research methods. Medical case studies are thorough in disclosing the details of possible side effects in the use of an epidural, even rare occurrences. The information published about natural childbirth occasionally has a biased tone, sometimes disregarding previously proven medical research. However, the research is clear in explaining the need for trained and competent professionals to be present at any birth to avoid fatal complications. It would be beneficial to see more research on childbirth and pain management conducted in the United States. Finding studies, especially those involving the personal experiences of women, concerning American families requires some elongated searching.
Natural Childbirth: The Benefits
What is now defined as "natural" childbirth has been the method of delivery for women for centuries. Many women, mostly in the holistic, alternative, and natural care community profess strongly of the benefits of a natural childbirth. Many mothers enjoy the freedom of movement that comes with not being tied to a hospital bed by IV or epidural. It is believed that for the mother to be able to move around and choose a position that feels right to her, labor is more effective (Howland, 2017). Some naturally-minded mothers feel that naturally birthing their child will give them a sense of accomplishment, or badge of true motherhood. By enduring the pain of childbirth, they feel committed and connected to their baby (Lothian, 2000). In a natural childbirth occurring at home or a birthing center, mothers find comfort in avoiding the pressure for medical intervention. Having a baby in the comfort of their own home accompanied by a midwife and doula is appealing.
Along with benefits during labor, benefits are reported for mother and baby after birth as well. Mothers are generally able to recover more quickly after a natural childbirth, which is mostly attributed to the less frequent occurrence of episiotomy and tearing (Panazzolo & Mohammed 2011). Howland (2017) claims that without the use of drugs in delivery, babies are born more alert, and without the lethargy, they are better able to quickly cultivate an effective breastfeeding habit. It is also believed that pursuit of natural childbirth lessens the chance for the need of a Caesarean section. When the infant passes through the vaginal canal, essential bacteria are picked up that help in the development of baby's immune system (Howland, 2017). The report of these benefits is found on multiple platforms online, including in articles, blogs, videos, and lifestyle and pregnancy websites. Many mothers are drawn to natural childbirth by these benefits the testimonials promise.
Natural Childbirth: The Drawbacks
The main drawback associated with natural childbirth, and the reason nearly 90% of births are medicated, is the immense pain associated with childbirth (Lothian, 2000). Compared to other mammals, the head-to-birth canal ratio is jarring in humans. The average head of a baby is actually larger than the dilated birth canal, requiring the cervix and vagina to stretch painfully to allow for passage of the baby (Shipman, 2014). The fear of or realization of this pain can drive most women to demand the assistance of an epidural.
While the benefits of a natural childbirth, especially at home, seem attractive, women must technically fit a certain criterion to qualify. Due to the enormous progress in mother and baby mortality, there are many measures in place in medical settings to save a mother and /or baby if something is to go wrong. Panazzolo and Mohammed (2011) in analyzing natural childbirth noted, "Although this option can seem to be the optimal choice, women seeking natural births must be healthy, low-risk women without serious medical conditions such as diabetes and high blood pressure." Properly and improperly attended home births have a much higher mortality rate than those attended to in a hospital or birth center (Grünebaum, McCullough, Arabin, Brent, Levene, & Chervenak, 2016).
Childbirth with Epidural: The Benefits
The modern epidural is a remarkable feat of analgesia (pain relief). A woman is able to have a thin, cord-like tube inserted into her back with a needle that will pump appropriate amounts of medication to the lower half of her body on demand. The analgesia provides pain relief, instead of anesthesia, which would numb the entire area of feeling ("Epidural," 2017). Complications associated with epidural use are very rare, and the majority of hospitals are equipped with competent providers to properly install the epidural (Rajkalyan & Kaumudi, 2014).
The epidural reduces or eliminates pain associated with childbirth, including the feeling of a tearing perineum, or episiotomy. Many mothers are able to regain energy to birth their child once the pain of labor is lessened. This potentially allows for a more pleasant birth experience, where mama can enjoy laboring and focus on her growing family, instead of constant, intense pain. Doctors, nurses, and doulas are available for coaching the mother on what to do, since she may not feel the urge to push as strongly as one does in a natural childbirth.
Childbirth with Epidural: The Drawbacks
As with any medicine, studies have confirmed possible risks and side effects associated with the use of epidurals in childbirth. Some women who use an epidural complain of intense postpartum headaches. One case study examined in depth the occurrence of Cerebral venous thrombosis (CVT), a rare but extremely painful disease postpartum, due to the improper installation of an epidural (Raj & Rupasinghe, 2016). While misplacement is not common, human error is always possible in medical procedures. Patients more commonly experience postdural patient headaches (PDPH), due to the puncture the epidural requires near the spine. These headaches can last indefinitely, and a lasting cure has not been found. "Although not life-threatening, PDPH carries substantial morbidity by restricting activities of daily life. Current noninvasive treatments, including bed rest, fluids, analgesics, caffeine, and sumatriptan, only temporize the discomfort" (Ghaleb, 2010).
Some women may feel very restricted by the effects of an epidural. With an epidural, and subsequently an IV, in place, mama is restricted to her hospital bed, due to the hookups and the numbing effect. This means she will labor on her back, which may not be the optimal position for delivery, depending on the baby's descent. Since the epidural reduces feeling in the lower body, mama is not able to move around or change positions to expedite labor. Mama may also be hooked to a catheter, which many women do not realize comes with the epidural experience before agreeing to one (Howland, 2017). Some studies speculate that medical induction and epidural use lead to a higher likelihood for doctors to determine the need for instrument-assisted birth (forceps or vacuum extraction) and C-section.
Influence of the Internet on Birth Plan Choices
There has been much research published on the benefits and drawbacks of natural and medicated childbirth. Ultimately, either birth, if properly attended, has proven to be generally safe for most mothers and babies. This concept has been researched over and over in the last two decades: "Pain and anxiety...appear to have been relieved as effectively by social support as by medical assistance" (Fox & Worts, 1999).
Accurate information puts a mother in a very strong position to make sound choices for the care of herself and her baby. Some research indicates that many mothers do not attempt any personal research beyond the advice of their chosen care provider, which can limit her opportunities to understand the best birth plan for her situation (Panazzolo & Mohammed 2011).
On the other end of the spectrum, women can receive heavily biased material from non-credible sources seeking to antagonize the opposing party. This content is often infiltrated with strong, hyperbolized, advertisement-like wording to hook readers/viewers into their material. It is essential that women understand how to do effective research and discern content for what it is. Google searches regarding epidurals have skyrocketed in the last five years. Women are turning to the internet as their main source of medical education. "Identifying the most common and rapidly increasing online search queries may guide physician-parturient interactions and online content creation, to address labor analgesic topics that most interest users" (Sutton & Carvalho, 2017). The information, credible or not, that women find on the internet about pregnancy and birth strongly influences the choices they make in the delivery room. Holistic and medical caretakers urge expectant families to understand the options available to them (Christieans & Nieuwenhuijze, 2013).
Pregnancy and childbirth are miraculously and commonly experienced each day by women around the world. Pain management has a variety of safe options, including medicated and unmedicated methods. When attended by a trained, competent professional, the birth of a child has a high rate of a healthy outcome. A mother's planning for birth is affected by family traditions, culture, the opinion and practice of their chosen provider, and most recently, information found online. Websites, blogs, video blogs, articles, instructional videos and advice columns can now be created and published by anyone with an internet connection.
As women strive to obtain credible information, their decision process is well-informed. Ultimately, the mother is the main participant in the birth. As she is able to understand her role in the process, she will be empowered to use any information she meets to her benefit, and for the benefit of her growing family.
Arcia, A. (2013). US nulliparas' perceptions of roles and of the birth experience as predictors of their delivery preferences. Midwifery, 29, 885-894. doi: https://doi.org/10.1016/j.midw.2012.10.002
American Pregnancy Association. (n.d.). Epidural Anesthesia. Retrieved from http://americanpregnancy.org/labor-and-birth/epidural/ on June 22, 2018.
Christieans, W., Nieuwenhuijze, M.J., & de Vries, R. (2013). Trends in the medicalisation of childbirth in Flanders and the Netherlands. Midwifery, 13, doi: 10.1016/j.midw.2012.08.010.
Fox, B. &Worts, D. (1999). Revisting the critique of medicalized childbirth: A Contribution to the Sociology of Birth. Gender & Society. 13, 326 – 346
Ghaleb, A. (2010). Postdural Puncture Headache. Anesthesiology Research and Practice, 102967. http://doi.org/10.1155/2010/102967
Grünebaum A., McCullough L.B., Arabin B., Brent R.L., Levene M.I., & Chervenak F.A. (2016). Neonatal Mortality of Planned Home Birth in the United States in Relation to Professional Certification of Birth Attendants. PLoS ONE. 11(5):e0155721. doi:10.1371/journal.pone.0155721.
Howland, G. (2017). The Mama Natural Week-by-Week Guide to Pregnancy and Childbirth. New York, NY: Simon & Schuster.
Lothian, J. A. (2000). Why Natural Childbirth? The Journal of Perinatal Education, 9(4), 44–46. http://doi.org/10.1624/105812400X87905.
Panazzolo, M. and Mohammed, R. (2011). Birthing Trends in American Society and Women's Choices. Race, Gender & Class, 18, 268-283.
Raj, O. and Rupasinghe, M. (2016). Postpartum cortical venous thrombosis: An unusual presentation of postdural puncture headache. Journal of Obstetric Anesthesia and Critical Care, 6, 95-97.
Rajkalyan, C and Kaumudi, P. (2014). Surgical management to secure prolonged epidural site bleeding. Journal of Obstetric Anesthesia and Critical Care, 4, 89-90.
Shipman, P.L. (2014). Why is Human Childbirth So Painful? American Scientist. Retrieved from https://www.americanscientist.org/article/why-is-human-childbirth-so-painful on June 22, 2018.
Sutton C.D. & Carvalho B. (2017). What's trending now? An analysis of trends in internet searches for labor epidurals. International Journal Obstetrics Anesthesia, May;30:52-57. doi: 10.1016/j.ijoa.2017.02.004.
23 June 2018
Brooklyn Brewer Tanner
04 March 2018
There is nothing is either good or bad, but thinking makes it so. -Shakespeare
Late August 2017, Harvey has finally resigned, Maria is on her way, and Irma was in full angry force. Residents of Florida anticipate the impending disaster. In the slow-motion blink of an eye, Hurricane Irma devoured 134 fatalities during her 65 billion-dollar tantrum. Images of damaged homes, slaughtered sights where homes used to be, and hundreds of people, suddenly thrust into survival mode, these images took over the big and small screens of Americans for two months. 180 mph winds will blow more than your mind. What we cannot count are the tears, the favorite blankets lost, the words spoken at funerals, the hugs, the prayers, the hands that helped.
Surely, disaster invokes a reaction. Shock, horror, flee, fight, sadness, anger, devastation. Moments of speechlessness and anger because there is nobody to be angry at. No one to punish. However, disaster also invokes action. Neighbors and nearby acquaintances now share a commonality. They are one in heart because of loss. They help each other, they clean up, they hug and mourn for the dead, and for the lost. Residents near and far flood in as well, hoping to help make a dent in the clean-up.
Here in Utah, we cannot feel the pelting rain, the flooded streets. But we see something like that, try to imagine what it would be like, and sympathize. Maybe we empathize, if we have lost someone we love. We pray, we donate, and we send messages of support, love, attempt at understanding. Thanks to the internet, we can instantaneously have updated information. Donation sites are all over our social media feeds, email inboxes, and televisions. The Red Cross raised enough money to feed well over a million meals to victims and send 52,000 health care workers to care for the Floridians. These efforts do not completely meet all the needs, and they don't take away the pain of a hurricane.
However, in a hurricane, we are not freshman and seniors. We are not atheists and Christians. We are not angry liberals or egotistical conservatives, we are humans. The innate culture of the human is to love. We love one another, motivate one another, and have the power to heal one another. Ethos, pathos and logos, are fired up in our souls in disaster. We feel obligated to help, especially if we are not the ones hurting. We feel that sympathy and empathy, pain for the pain someone else holds. And in our minds, it makes sense that we should help. If one house falls, seldom do all the members of other, standing houses stay in, lock their doors, and watch curiously as their neighbor rebuilds the wreckage. We run, we hug, we post, we pray, we pay, we work, we apologize, we try, we love.
Natural disaster is not the only moment in which our culture of unconditional love is activated. We come together in artificial disasters, too! Moments of silence for those lost in horrible acts of violence, and loud protests when injustice is evident. The "news" is not so new anymore, daily we are confronted with the sadness, horror, and anger of those trying to destroy love. Disaster is not always widespread or news-worthy either. Sometimes the world disaster is the small disaster going on in someone's world.
To the sixteen-year-old who just broke up with her first love, life is a disaster. To the clinically depressed college student whom it pains to start another day, life is a disaster. To the single mom coming up short, to the widower missing his companion, to the comedian trying to make it, to the couple buried in debt. Each human has their moments of disaster in which time is frozen and the future seems dark. Comparison will kill validity, but truly, we each deserve love when disaster bursts into our hearts. As these humans, we will never all agree, but again, we can love.
Love is a word, which speaks a life-sustaining language. These kinds of words are used to communicate meaning, suffering, love, or goals. This language continues in conversation in order to eventually improve one's quality of life and capacity for understanding. Life-sustaining language, loving words which give hope for a sunrise in a fitful, dark night. Hope is a most difficult choice, but the ability to hold onto hope is stronger when surrounded by hopeful, loving friends. A hope, a prayer, love: these are very small beams of light which can only be turned on with sincerity. One beam may be small and dismissible, but when rallies of hearts full of hope, numerous prayers, and outpouring of love arrive, an enormous spotlight is available to warm the wounded and light the way for perseverance.
Love is a touch, a hug, or hand held, to transmit comfort from the depth of the soul, through the heart, blood, and sensory receptors to the sensitive skin of the victim. Humans need touch like they need water, but we do not know that, because touch isn't sent with toothbrushes and soap in care packages. A welcome and well-intended physical touch alleviates the emotional pain for a small moment, a small step toward recovery. It is the universal language which strengthens the friendship for the moment and sometimes forever.
Love is a hot meal. Love is using your hands or hard-earned money to provide enjoyable, comforting food for your friend who lost her soccer game or lost her house. Good food shared with friend is bonding and uplifting. The use of this and any talent to love one another is our great responsibility as a human family. The thing you are good at is not an accident, it is stewardship. These gifts are those which are to be lovingly and freely given to each other. We need the songs others can sing, the cake others can bake, and the strong arms others can provide.
Love is not pride. Love is removing our biases, our preconceived notions, our assumptions, our lies, our walls, our obsessions, our idleness, our worries, our lipstick, our comfort, whatever is necessary to provide help. Love is the desire to give, not the desire to receive a reward for giving. Love is recognizing that you and he both came out of the womb wailing and helpless. Love is remembering to lend your heart when the wailing and helplessness resurfaces.
Perhaps love is all we can hold in the eye of a storm. No hurricane can drown it, no gun can obliterate it, no disease can infect it. Only we, the humans, the souls, can destroy it. It is the power within us that initiates and harbors love, and from there it is inevitably felt. Love can be freely given, freely received. Our human culture is bonded by porous hearts. Love is activated and spread by these difficult and tearful times. Thanks be to God for difficult days.
10 February 2018
Standing obediently behind the kiroi sen, waiting for the futsu densha. The shinkansen rushes by violently, the daigakusei immersed in their keitai taking no notice to their fluttering strait hair. Exhausted men staggering in from the post-work nomikai and a teenage couple holding hands on the way home from a late night of bukatsu. Kaze.
Kiroi sen, yellow safety line. Even the automated intercom voice warning riders to stand behind the line sounds tired, as she lists off the next few stops. Futsu densha, the local train, which is the slowest, but the only one that will stop near our obscure apartment by the river. Shinkansen, the bullet train that yells at 200 miles per hour, travelling from the frigid top to the beachy bottom of this California-sized island.
Daigakusei, college students. Thoughts of breaking the mold swimming around in their thoughts, but conforming to the norm on keitai, their cell phones. Nomikai, men drinking together with the coworkers they have already spent 12 hours with today. Leaving their wives to put the kids to bed and fall asleep alone, again. Bukatsu, the club sport middle and high schoolers have chosen, attending in the evenings after morning study, school, and after-school exam preparation class.
Kaze, a gentle wind, flowing from the ancient treetops through the canal of the Motojuku train station, singing to the gods of the land of the rising sun. Motojuku, a mountain town in the city of Okazaki, Japan. Motojuku is in puberty, honoring the ancient roots that run down the mountain through the station: the first spurt of growth into city life.
Walking to the station, strict tradition and devotion tingles the ground as one passes the abandoned shrines and temples covered in mossy drapes. The remaining beverage machine lights glitter, enticing the pedestrian to enjoy a melon soda, or can of corn soup. Cross the bridge, around the enormous gutter and down and up the staircase to cross the street, kaze again. The automatic ticket teller doesn't process prepaid train cards yet, a two-inch ticket must be purchased in the adjacent machine, fed to the teller, where it will meet the rider on the other side of the gate.
Alas the futsu densha arrives, and all these figures pile in to the surprisingly clean car. The train travels hundreds of miles, carrying thousands of people per day. However, like their thoughts, all riders keep their refuse to themselves. Exhaustion and beaten routine swirl through the muggy air, pride in their inventions but begging for innovations. Eyes do not meet on purpose, they sleepily close or adhere to a screen, sealing in isolation. Politeness and courtesy abound although friendship shyly remains fictional. The figures rock back and forth once, as the train stretches out of the station. Until next time.
07 February 2018
I would love to share a bit of what I have learned. I pray that as I testify, the Holy Ghost will be in your heart to teach you the tidbit of Gospel that you need in your home this week. To me, the Holy Ghost feels like a warm swelling in my heart, which is similar to the feeling of heartburn I get after eating a meal like the one on Thanksgiving. So, sometimes it’s hard to tell. But, if we listen, the Holy Ghost will quietly testify to you in a way that is specific to you. This is how we learn truth.
I am Brooklyn Tanner, Jonathan is my husband. I am from Murray, a suburb in south Salt Lake, and fabulous Jon is from fabulous Las Vegas, Nevada. We met as missionaries in Matsumoto, Japan. We worked in the same ward for the very last month of Jon’s time as a missionary. We were friends there, but I never really expected to see him again. However, I came home about four months after him, just in time for his spring break trip to Arizona. He called and asked me for a ride to the airport, took me to breakfast, and now we are married! It has been my greatest joy being his wife for 300 days so far. A bit about me, I work as a family entertainer, performing a magic variety show for private events, I love pies and I am rather loud but relatively lovable all the same.
A bit about Jon, he is a studying at BYU to become a software developer. He a dog lover and a very good dish-doer. He is humble and sweet, and silly and fun to talk to, but he is best at listening intently and thoughtfully. His personality is charming and he is so loving. He is selfless and knows and acts upon his priorities. He is a hard worker and obedient to God. I am learning about the Savior through Jonathan and reading the Book of Mormon.
I feel privileged to have known Jon as a missionary, because I saw him in a place where he was working very hard to please nobody but his Heavenly Father. He really showed me the true meaning of obedience, just like the Savior did for us. Jesus Christ was obedient to God in order to accomplish his divine potential. Our divine potential is to become like Jesus Christ, which we can do by knowing his teachings, and doing as he would do. This cycle of Know, Do, Become has helped me more clearly understand the importance and joy of being obedient.
So let’s read about it in the scriptures. Please, turn with me to Alma chapter 12. For those of us who are stylishly vintage, this is on page 237 of the Book of Mormon. Here we are in the midst of the ministry of Alma and Amulek. These two are awesome. I think the mission president was very happy about this companionship. In chapter 12, they are working with a particularly difficult investigator, Zeezrom. Amulek just finished testifying about God and the purpose of Jesus Christ. Zeezrom still doesn’t understand, but is speechless, so Alma takes this opportunity to step in and give it a shot. Verse 9.
Diligence. I this that is a good synonym for obedience. We have the great blessing of being taught the Gospel of Jesus Christ. If we accept it, and live it, we are rewarded with eternal life. Alma promises us that if we listen to the word of God, we will have more access to understanding the word of God. Let’s keep reading. Verse 14.
Ouch. Sounds a little scary. The only thing that can condemn us, that can keep us from eternal life is our own words and works. When I was younger I thought this meant God wanted to control me, and blindly follow him even though I didn’t understand very much. He is waiting to punish me if I do something wrong. But that is NOT how it is. Next verse (15). This will not do!
God is EAGER to reward us, bless us, live with us, His children. His work and glory is to bring to pass our immortality and eternal life. He sent His son, to live for us and to die for us. He lived a perfect life to show us the commandments, how to be obedient. Then, He took upon Him the suffering for our sins, so redemption would be possible. He died physical and spiritual death so we would have the chance to repent when we mistake in our obedience. This is a grandiose and humble act of love. Verse 33-34.
Jesus increased in wisdom, and in stature and in favor with God and man.
thank you for mommy and daddy thank you for a dis day please bless that I can have a little brover amen.
Thank you for mommy and daddy and baby sitser please bless that we will all have good dreams and be happy and know whats right, amen.
Thank you that I am so beautiful. Please bless that my sister wouldn't bug me so much and bless people who are poor. Please bless that it will be cheesy breadsticks at lunch tomorrow. Amen.
Thank you for this day and for the food. Bless me not to be so ugly anymore and not trip in dance so much. Please bless that McKenna and Rosie will let me play with them at recess tomorrow and bless mom that she won't be so bossy. Amen.
Thank you that I get to go to work with my dad like every day and have so much fun. What do you want me to be when I'm like older? A magician? A writer? A mom? I think I want to be a mom. Like the best mom ever who even knows how to sew. Amen.
Thank you for the pretty sky, I really liked the nice colors during the sunset tonight. Please bless me to make some friends and not become evil in junior high. Amen.
I am thankful for my mom and dad and for the love in our home. Thank you that I could be in the school musical this year. Please help me know what to say when Katherine says mean stuff. Please please please please bless that Zeke will think I'm pretty and not like Katherine anymore. Amen.
Thank you for my family, and thank you for all the sunshine Aunt Shana was for me. Will you let her into heaven, even though she didn't do everything right? Will I get to see her again? Please help me to be as kind as she was. Amen.
Aunt Terry is in for surgery today. Please bless that the chemotherapy will work. Amen.
Thank you that Aunt Terry beat it. Please bless Grandma to beat it too. Amen.
Please say hi to Grandma for me, and please bless Grandpa to feel closer to her. Amen.
Thank you for my amazing friends and cool teachers. Thank you that I finally have this great part in the school play! Why does everyone have a boyfriend besides me? Amen.
Please help me fall out of love with my boyfriend. Amen.
What a beautiful day for graduation. I can't believe it's over! Thank you for my supportive and present family. Please bless that I will understand what's next for me. It seems dark up ahead, and it feels dark inside. I don't think death would be so bad. I won't do it myself, but if you want me back, I won't be mad. Amen.
Thank you for such an exceptional sunset tonight. Every piece you have created is revitalizing and a poignant expression of love. Those clouds, vibrant and vivacious colors blended so flawlessly, a piece of art. I promise to give it all I have. Amen.
Thank you for this remarkable experience to be in this beautiful new country. It's gorgeous, and I love these people. I don't deserve this, I feel worthless. This is the hardest thing I have ever done. Please, please help me understand Japanese. Please help me be useful. Amen.
I have been here for over a year, trying to be my best and do what is good, but I don't think I am doing anything good. Inside is a vicious war of horrible feelings. Have I done it all wrong? Have I done anything at all? I know have magic to do. But this feels poisonous. Amen.
I don't get it, but thank you for peace. Amen.
Thank you so much for Jesus. I didn't realize it was Him all along, thank you. He is my joy and my song and I will praise Him forever. Amen.
Should I marry Tyler Rennat?
Should I marry Tyler Rennat?
Should I marry Tyler Rennat?
Should I marry Tyler Rennat?
I'm going to marry Tyler Rennat.
Thank you so much for sending me Tyler Rennat. I love him and now I understand family a little better and I am so excited for what is ahead. Thank you for all he has taught me. Thank you so much for the medicine that keeps my head level, thank you for my good healthy body, thank you for an education, and thank you for the mountains. Please bless Kaye Blaine to feel better. Amen.
14 April 2017
As a missionary for the LDS church in the Japan, I first met Elder Tanner (code name: Jon Tanner) at a conference in Fukutoku, Japan, where we were welcomed our new mission president. We shook hands and ate delicious lunch with 145 other missionaries!
When he came to pick me up, my parents where instantly gawking at his handsomeness, telling me that I really scored. Which I failed to notice right away, as far as I was concerned, his first name was still "Elder."
We enjoyed French toast at Kneaders with a surprisingly comfortable conversation to go along with it (nervous?? I'm not nervous. I just can't remember how to speak English, that's all).
The date lasted a record-breaking 53 minutes before he was on the plane to visit his new niece in Arizona (I'm starting to think you just wanted a ride to the airport).
|All the pictures of our first few dates are just of Jon, because if you take together that's when you're official, right?|
After his cousin, Ellis' wedding reception at the Utah state capitol, we sat on the bench above the hill looking over the city.
"Will you be my girlfriend?"
(Ten minutes later)
*Rolls down car window*
"I'M DATING TON JANNER!!!!!
|Arizona was too hot and Jon's fan was too cool to handle!|
|pssst hiden mesej 2 jon i love you|
October 29, 2016 - Hm, what question?
|Bonus points: same shirt he wore on our first date. |
Not pictured: baggy old Wal-mart pants which are now my favorite.
|Marriage is awesome. Not perfect. Perfectly awesome.|
19 February 2017
02 December 2016
I wonder how if God measures His time. I suppose it's all one eternal round for Him! I am grateful for the piece of that He has given me to have a body and a fantastic family and meet Jon and learn the mysteries of His universe. I am also grateful He gave me a mom to teach me to dance.
17 November 2016
The Art of Hearing Heartbeats
by Jan-Phillipp Sendker
An enchanting romantic story, starring a Burmese handicapped couple, discovered by his daughter and told by an onlooker. The writing style is scrumptious and I tip my hat to the translator. I give it an A and recommend it for a hearty vacation read.
12 June 2016
I testify that what He commands us IS what is best and right and eternally progressive. He can see it. He lets us see what we need to as we grow along. He teaches us the answers to the questions He will ask us.
Going on a mission was a rewarding experience and the right thing for me. I am grateful for the way it has influenced my character and decision. I am happy to be back in the SLC and love being a muggle as well! I hope to always be a missionary. I love God and His many creations. Jesus loves us, He is among us.